Wounded but not broken

"Trust and betrayal, connected like Siamese twins, they give the other meaning; one ends where one begins." - Bob Bennett

Pondering these lyrics, have you ever felt betrayed at work by your leaders? Have they in some small way (or maybe in a major way) let down your expectations of them? Remember, all leaders are fallible, just like we are. You know what trust looks like because you know what betrayal feel like. Probably most of the readers of this article have felt betrayal in one form or another from their leaders. Logically, they know what to look for in trusting their leaders as well. This trust is an important dynamic when it comes to leader/follower relationships. Once this trust is broken, is the relationship done? Everyone can agree that it definitely makes the road to reconciliation more difficult. It is tough to serve a leader who lacks the perceived integrity needed to lead. We all desire to have leaders that have integrity and seek to build us up in our positions. The reality is that does not occur as often as it should.

Despite integrity issues, we as followers have to show our integrity in handling situations. It is so easy to slander another's reputation or gossip about our leaders behind their backs, but it takes the courage of an effective follower to stand up and "kill them with kindness". This kindness is not just a submission and silence; that would describe a "yes person" or an "alienated follower" role. Instead, I am talking about trying to build up your leader's integrity by publicly and privately supporting them, even though you know they made a poor decision in the past or have betrayed you in some way. To look beyond the moment of indiscretion and not let them affect your work performance or integrity is the challenge to being an effective follower. Daft states, "Effective followers transform their leader-follower relationship by striving to improve their leaders rather than just criticizing them." When was the last time that you tried to improve your leader?

As mentioned in other articles, we can not change an entire organizations frame of mind overnight, but we can change ours in an instant. In John G Miller's book, QBQ (or Question Behind the Question), he turns the corner on our criticism by turning the question back on ourselves. Instead of saying, "Why can't my leader get their act together?" he directs us to inquire instead, "What can I do to help my leader improve?" This is where we as effective followers need to be. I heard some good advice from a friend not too long back that the things that we desire most from our leaders that they are not giving us is the same things that they are not receiving from their superior. Let me say it another way. If you are lacking encouragement from your boss, it is probably because they are not getting any encouragement from their boss. They quick way to change this trend is to feed them what they need. This changes your relationship over time and feeds your leader so they can feed you. This is called "leading through following." Build up your leaders publicly and privately, encourage them in their tasks, ask them what you can do to make their job easier, and support them, even though they may have hurt you. If the logic flows with this concept, you were probably hurt by your leader because they were hurt from theirs. So pursue reconciliation through service and support. This is the key to being an effective follower.